Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Rita Rudner Quotes

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them...

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them...

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new...

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new...

Beer is good food

Beer is good food

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

From the suites of Davos to the streets of Seattle, there is a growing consensus...

From the suites of Davos to the streets of Seattle, there is a growing consensus...

America is a mistake, a giant mistake.

America is a mistake, a giant mistake.

Be courageous. I have seen many depressions in business. Always America has emerged from these...

Be courageous. I have seen many depressions in business. Always America has emerged from these...

Writers will happen in the best of families.

Writers will happen in the best of families.

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love...

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love...