I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Rita Rudner Quotes

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

Love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to...

Love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced...

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced...

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the...

Marriage--a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters...

Marriage--a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters...