Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...