There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Jon Stewart Quotes

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we...

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we...

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and...

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and...

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an...

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's...

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be...

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be...

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...