There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Jon Stewart Quotes

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads...

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can...

If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program...

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it...

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it...

People with no humor, they're outta my life.

People with no humor, they're outta my life.

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

The American people deserve to know that they're not just watching the administration's spin on...

The American people deserve to know that they're not just watching the administration's spin on...

When the war closed we were challenged with a peace-time choice between the American system...

When the war closed we were challenged with a peace-time choice between the American system...