Oh you have swag? I bet that looks great on a resume...

Topics: Sarcastic Quotes, Swag Quotes

Love is a minefield. You take a step and get blown to pieces put yourself...

Love is a minefield. You take a step and get blown to pieces put yourself...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

If you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots...

If you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots...

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who...

Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who...

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

I love you and it's getting worse.

I love you and it's getting worse.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

They try copy my swagger. I'm on that next shit now.

They try copy my swagger. I'm on that next shit now.

Cooler than Mick Jagger with the stones, stop jacking my swagger cause my swagger is...

Cooler than Mick Jagger with the stones, stop jacking my swagger cause my swagger is...

Got your girl on my swag she lovin' them jerkin' songs. Like the new iPod...

Got your girl on my swag she lovin' them jerkin' songs. Like the new iPod...