If you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots you do take, then you are at least consistent.

Topics: Sarcastic Quotes

Oh you have swag? I bet that looks great on a resume...

Oh you have swag? I bet that looks great on a resume...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I love you and it's getting worse.

I love you and it's getting worse.

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

Sarcasm: Because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and...

Sarcasm: Because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.