Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who cant.

Topics: Sarcastic Quotes, Secrets Quotes, Trust Quotes

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like...

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the...

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

I wasn't aware that answering my mom's question was considered talking back.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Sarcasm: Because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and...

Sarcasm: Because screaming at you about how dumb you are and taking a brick and...

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Oh you have swag? I bet that looks great on a resume...

Oh you have swag? I bet that looks great on a resume...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been...

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been...

I'm not good at secrets, so don't tell me any.

I'm not good at secrets, so don't tell me any.

There's no trust, no faith, no honesty in men; all perjured, all forsworn, all naught,...

There's no trust, no faith, no honesty in men; all perjured, all forsworn, all naught,...