Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its...

If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be...

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be...

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not...

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not...

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks...

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...