Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely...

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely...

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games...

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always...

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...