Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why?...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why?...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the...

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the...

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and...

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and...

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish...

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is...

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong...

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.