If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software...

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software...

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those...

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those...

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

My ideal relaxation is working on upholstry. I spend hours in junk shops buying furniture....

My ideal relaxation is working on upholstry. I spend hours in junk shops buying furniture....