If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through...

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through...

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up...

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up...

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can...

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can...

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I...

If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I...

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will...

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

People want you to be a crazy, out-of-control teen brat. They want you miserable, just...

People want you to be a crazy, out-of-control teen brat. They want you miserable, just...

My mom doesn't understand that even though my room looks dirty to her, I know...

My mom doesn't understand that even though my room looks dirty to her, I know...