Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Funny Quotes, Internet Quotes, Television Quotes

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including...

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including...

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in...

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in...

The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the...

The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the...

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software...

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software...

1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of...

1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of...

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be...

A girl came up to me in a bar and said she wanted to be...

Women must understand that simply attacking or hating men is just another form of disempowerment....

Women must understand that simply attacking or hating men is just another form of disempowerment....