Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Funny Quotes, Internet Quotes, Television Quotes

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a...

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per...

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per...

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage...

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage...

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items...

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items...

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...