Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Funny Quotes, Internet Quotes, Television Quotes

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of...

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of...

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking....

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking....

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take...

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are...

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child...

I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child...

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why?...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why?...

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye...

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye...

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will...

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will...

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those...

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to...

Marriage is like a besieged castle; those who are on the outside wish to get...

Marriage is like a besieged castle; those who are on the outside wish to get...

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.