Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Quote by Robert Orben

Topics: Funny Quotes

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities...

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities...

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the...

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the...

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed...

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed...

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're...

Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We're...

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the...

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the...

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't...

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't...

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

A compliment is verbal sunshine

A compliment is verbal sunshine

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back...

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back...

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more...

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more...

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people...

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people...

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep...

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep...