My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton

Quote by Chic Murray

Topics: Funny Quotes

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet....

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet....

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

I think I swallowed a bug!

I think I swallowed a bug!

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport...

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport...

It is the spirit of the age to believe that any fact, no matter how...

It is the spirit of the age to believe that any fact, no matter how...

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old...

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old...

One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing.

One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing.

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

If your attack is going too well, youre walking into an ambush.

If your attack is going too well, youre walking into an ambush.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he...

When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he...

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards...

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards...

I am fifty-two years of age. I am a bishop in the Anglican Church, and...

I am fifty-two years of age. I am a bishop in the Anglican Church, and...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

The counsels of old age give light without heat, like the sun in winter.

The counsels of old age give light without heat, like the sun in winter.

When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife...

When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife...

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come...

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come...