A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are

Quote by Chauncey Mitchell Depew

Topics: Funny Quotes

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

A major advantage of age is learning to accept people without passing judgment.

A major advantage of age is learning to accept people without passing judgment.

As I give thought to the matter, I find four causes for the apparent misery...

As I give thought to the matter, I find four causes for the apparent misery...

If you rest, you rust.

If you rest, you rust.

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her...

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her...

After 12 years, the old butterflies came back. Well, I guess at my age you...

After 12 years, the old butterflies came back. Well, I guess at my age you...

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

One man's folly is another man's wife.

One man's folly is another man's wife.

The pyramids themselves, doting with age, have forgotten the names of their founders.

The pyramids themselves, doting with age, have forgotten the names of their founders.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

Explore your mind, discover yourself, then give the best that is in you to your...

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...