My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Girl Quotes, Sleep Quotes

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

At your age The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble.

At your age The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble.

Ours is the age of substitutes: instead of language, we have jargon: instead of principles,...

Ours is the age of substitutes: instead of language, we have jargon: instead of principles,...

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.

Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth...

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth...

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I...

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I...

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...

The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.

The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.

That amazing feeling that you get when you hug a guy and he's so much...

That amazing feeling that you get when you hug a guy and he's so much...

The difference between me and her? I can make him smile with my pants on.

The difference between me and her? I can make him smile with my pants on.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...