My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Girl Quotes, Sleep Quotes

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer...

I got baby food in my coffee maker.

I got baby food in my coffee maker.

I'd rather be called 'Sleazy' than to be identified as intelligent.

I'd rather be called 'Sleazy' than to be identified as intelligent.

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a...

I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries,...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries,...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.

A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

It's a scientific fact. For every year a person lives in Hollywood, they lose two...

It's a scientific fact. For every year a person lives in Hollywood, they lose two...

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

It takes a long time to become young.

It takes a long time to become young.

If eating left over pizza for breakfast is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

If eating left over pizza for breakfast is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

Sometimes, when you imagine a perfect guy...you realize you've described a person you've known forever.

Sometimes, when you imagine a perfect guy...you realize you've described a person you've known forever.

Right guy, wrong time. Right time, wrong guy. New guy, old lines. Old guy, new...

Right guy, wrong time. Right time, wrong guy. New guy, old lines. Old guy, new...

Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all...

Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having partied all...