My bed is a time machine. I lay down for 5 minutes and the next thing I know, its 5 hours later...

Topics: Humor Quotes, Relation Quotes, Sleep Quotes, Time Quotes

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on...

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on...

Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and...

Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and...

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

Wise men are not wise at all hours, and will speak five times from their...

Wise men are not wise at all hours, and will speak five times from their...

All I try to do is as earnestly and as acutely as I can, conceive...

All I try to do is as earnestly and as acutely as I can, conceive...

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of...

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of...

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -...

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -...

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important...

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important...

Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years.

Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years.

If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an...

If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an...

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little...

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little...

On a scale of 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

On a scale of 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

Puns are a form of humor with words.

Puns are a form of humor with words.

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is...

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is...

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather...

Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather...

Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are...

Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are...

That awkward moment when you're at a sleepover and you're the first one to wake...

That awkward moment when you're at a sleepover and you're the first one to wake...

No matter how long have you slept, you always want those 5 MINUTES in the...

No matter how long have you slept, you always want those 5 MINUTES in the...

There are two times of the year that stir the blood. In the fall, for...

There are two times of the year that stir the blood. In the fall, for...