Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Quote by Bill Maher

Topics: Bill Maher Quotes

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The...

The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The...

Stop worrying. Hollywood wont turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on...

Stop worrying. Hollywood wont turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on...

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors...

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors...

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or...

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich...

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's...

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's...

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else...

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else...

I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and...

I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and...

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be...

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be...

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed...

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed...

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

If you've ever been around a group of actors, you've noticed, no doubt, that they...

If you've ever been around a group of actors, you've noticed, no doubt, that they...