Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Quote by Bill Maher

Topics: Bill Maher Quotes

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he...

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed...

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed...

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's...

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's...

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free...

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free...

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says...

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says...

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little...

I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little...

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else...

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case...

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and...

Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and...

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.

When kindness has left people, even for a few moments, we become afraid of them,...

When kindness has left people, even for a few moments, we become afraid of them,...

Education is the mother of leadership.

Education is the mother of leadership.

Values are not just words, values are what we live by. They're about the causes...

Values are not just words, values are what we live by. They're about the causes...