Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Quote by Bill Maher

Topics: Bill Maher Quotes

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I...

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I...

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make...

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the...

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the...

If you were on a sinking ship and yelled, Women and children first! how much...

If you were on a sinking ship and yelled, Women and children first! how much...

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

When we make mistakes they call it evil

When we make mistakes they call it evil

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

Theyre talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place thats used by ten or...

Theyre talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place thats used by ten or...

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence...

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence...

Stop worrying. Hollywood wont turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on...

Stop worrying. Hollywood wont turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. Thats something I...

I am convinced that the majority of people would be generous from selfish motives, if...

I am convinced that the majority of people would be generous from selfish motives, if...

I don't want to spend the rest of my life giving speeches.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life giving speeches.

Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch....

Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch....

Education makes a greater difference between man and man than nature has made between man...

Education makes a greater difference between man and man than nature has made between man...

Values are not just words, values are what we live by. They're about the causes...

Values are not just words, values are what we live by. They're about the causes...