Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!

Quote by Colin Mochrie

Topics: Funny Quotes, Murder Quotes

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the...

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the...

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a...

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a...

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it...

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it...

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a...

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a...

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...