Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!

Quote by Colin Mochrie

Topics: Funny Quotes, Murder Quotes

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it...

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it...

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the...

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the...

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a...

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a...

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make...

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make...

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely...

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely...

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges....

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges....

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people...

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people...