Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!

Quote by Colin Mochrie

Topics: Funny Quotes, Murder Quotes

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely...

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make...

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make...

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the...

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the...

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come...

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come...

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I...

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an...

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of...

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people...

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people...

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from...

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely...

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely...