I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

Quote by Weird Al Yankovic

Topics: Weird Al Yankovic Quotes

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend...

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend...

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse,...

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse,...

The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I...

The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I...

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty...

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty...

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a...

He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a...

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of...

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of...

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

My wife went off with Elvis.

My wife went off with Elvis.

Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.

Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but...

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but...

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much...

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much...

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe...

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe...

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing,...

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing,...

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World...

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World...

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.