I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.

Quote by Weird Al Yankovic

Topics: Weird Al Yankovic Quotes

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use...

I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use...

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on...

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on...

Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.

Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing,...

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing,...

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month.

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe...

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe...

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of...

I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of...

The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I...

The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I...

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

You can play some schlock like New Kids On the Block.

He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a...

He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a...

No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.

No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it...

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it...

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much...

My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much...

Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain.

Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend...

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend...

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light....

I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light....