I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, Im drinking so that youre more fun to be around.

Quote by Chelsea Handler

Topics: Drinking Quotes, Funny Quotes

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's...

Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's...

...some of the best sex I can barely remember.

...some of the best sex I can barely remember.

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the...

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the...

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an...

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an...

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last...

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last...

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I...

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I...

It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good...

It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good...

Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably...

Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably...

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls,...

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls,...

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it...

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it...

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound...

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound...

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a...

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a...

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you...

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you...

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' --...

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' --...

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the...

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the...

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet...

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet...

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people...

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people...

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that...

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that...

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This...

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This...