I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Friends Quotes

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was...

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was...

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't...

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy...

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy...

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and...

I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and...