Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Rita Rudner Quotes

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was...

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was...

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but...

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is:...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new...

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new...

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...