Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time...

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time...

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite:...

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite:...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't...

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't...

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.