I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.