I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...