I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet....

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet....

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.