I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Quote by Max Kauffmann

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.

Love ceases to be a pleasure, when it ceases to be a secret.

You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...

You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but...

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but...

The truth is, I do indulge myself a little the more in pleasure, knowing that...

The truth is, I do indulge myself a little the more in pleasure, knowing that...

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What...

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What...

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a...

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a...

You know it's going to be a long day when you yell 'Seriously?!?' at your...

You know it's going to be a long day when you yell 'Seriously?!?' at your...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

My mom told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap.

My mom told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I've been going to shopping malls since I was on General Hospital.

I've been going to shopping malls since I was on General Hospital.

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in;...

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in;...

A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind...

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind...