I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Quote by Max Kauffmann

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000...

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000...

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following...

Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following...

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not...

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not...

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his...

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his...

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to...

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Old age is not a joy, but death is not a gain.

Old age is not a joy, but death is not a gain.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

I saw Hamlet Prince of Denmark played; but now the old plays begin to disgust...

I saw Hamlet Prince of Denmark played; but now the old plays begin to disgust...

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of...

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of...

Nothing is more dishonorable than an old man, heavy with years, who has no other...

Nothing is more dishonorable than an old man, heavy with years, who has no other...

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...