I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
Quote by Max Kauffmann
I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...
When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he...
There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
Learn to live in this world with self-respect. You should always cherish some ambition of...
Nothing recedes like success.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.
Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown...
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live...
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket...
Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
In every country and in every age the priest has been hostile to liberty; he...
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.