I wish women were like hockey...Only twenty minute periods.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Men Quotes

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

When I exercise, I wear all black. It's like a funeral for my fat.

When I exercise, I wear all black. It's like a funeral for my fat.

Old age is not a disease - it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all...

Old age is not a disease - it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all...

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to...

At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to...

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met...

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met...

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea...

Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea...

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I'm going to go out a winner if I have to find a high school...

I'm going to go out a winner if I have to find a high school...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

I'm not really a good singer. But most people aren't, either.

I'm not really a good singer. But most people aren't, either.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are...

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are...

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

You people married to Italian men, you know what it's like.

You people married to Italian men, you know what it's like.

You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him

You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him