I wish women were like hockey...Only twenty minute periods.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Men Quotes

The less you know, the sounder you sleep.

The less you know, the sounder you sleep.

I am definitely not scared of Mike Tyson. I am at the top of the...

I am definitely not scared of Mike Tyson. I am at the top of the...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

The problem of our age is the proper administration of wealth, so that the ties...

The problem of our age is the proper administration of wealth, so that the ties...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

When I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying 'I hid the...

When I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying 'I hid the...

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to...

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to...

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?

If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every...

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every...

No sex, age, or condition is above or below the absolute necessity of modesty; but...

No sex, age, or condition is above or below the absolute necessity of modesty; but...

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Guys die down here on a regular basis-that's the reality. They die here for a...

Guys die down here on a regular basis-that's the reality. They die here for a...

Male superiority in former days was easily demonstrated, because if a woman questioned her husband's...

Male superiority in former days was easily demonstrated, because if a woman questioned her husband's...