I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.
Quote by Cassandra Clare
Growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you...
America never was America to me And yet I swear this oath- America will be!
On a scale of 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?
Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and...
The hall-mark of American humor is its pose of illiteracy.
I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.
Well, it's a humor strip, so my first responsibility has always been to entertain the...
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays...
True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not...
There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day,...
All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really...
The secret to humor is surprise.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing...
Humor to a man is like a feather pillow.It is filled with what is easy...
My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able...
When I think about how good my book could be, I can hardly breathe.
Better have an old man to humor than a young rake to break your heart.
Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow...
Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It...
When people ask dumb questions, I feel obligated to give sarcastic answers.