I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongooseand a panther.

Quote by Dwight Schrute

Topics: Dwight Schrute Quotes

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was...

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

I dont believe you, continue.

I dont believe you, continue.