When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No,…

Quote by Dwight Schrute

Topics: Dwight Schrute Quotes

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position...

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position...

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.

My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.

Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th...

Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th...

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

I dont believe you, continue.

I dont believe you, continue.

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...