When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No,…

Quote by Dwight Schrute

Topics: Dwight Schrute Quotes

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

I dont believe you, continue.

I dont believe you, continue.

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position...

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position...

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...