Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

Quote by Samantha Jones

Topics: Samantha Jones Quotes

I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

Who cares what you are just enjoy it!

Who cares what you are just enjoy it!

I don't know how you people do it! All that emotional chow chow, it's exhausting!

I don't know how you people do it! All that emotional chow chow, it's exhausting!

Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rear-view mirror.

Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rear-view mirror.

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore....

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore....

All married couples stop having sex eventually.

All married couples stop having sex eventually.

He's a guy. They don't talk, they fight. It's all that crazy testosterone.

He's a guy. They don't talk, they fight. It's all that crazy testosterone.

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

Well it's about f**kin time. Get over here and do me.

Well it's about f**kin time. Get over here and do me.

Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called...

Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called...

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

I take offense at that generalisation. Not all women sit around and obsess about men,...

I take offense at that generalisation. Not all women sit around and obsess about men,...