Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called 'The Horse.'

Quote by Samantha Jones

Topics: Samantha Jones Quotes

Emotional" is just code for "I don't want to hire a woman.

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

Last night, I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to...

Last night, I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to...

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not going to f**k...

Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not going to f**k...

Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.

Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Hi, my name is Samantha and I am a love-aholic

Hi, my name is Samantha and I am a love-aholic

Who cares what you are just enjoy it!

Who cares what you are just enjoy it!

Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rear-view mirror.

Honey, you look back so much you should have a relationship rear-view mirror.

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.

Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

I'm paying a fortune to live in a neighbouhood that's trendy by day and trannie...

I'm paying a fortune to live in a neighbouhood that's trendy by day and trannie...

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore....

Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore....

Yes ladies. I am a lesbian.

Yes ladies. I am a lesbian.

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...