Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Reality Quotes, Statistics Quotes

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.

Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.

What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly...

What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly...