In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Stephen Colbert Quotes

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

I sent American troops to Iraq to make its people free, not to make them...

I sent American troops to Iraq to make its people free, not to make them...

Americans are rising to the tasks of history, and they expect the same of us.

Americans are rising to the tasks of history, and they expect the same of us.