In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Stephen Colbert Quotes

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make...

Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make...

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings...

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings...

Some of the press who speak loudly about the freedom of the press are themselves...

Some of the press who speak loudly about the freedom of the press are themselves...