In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Stephen Colbert Quotes

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no...

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make...

Falling ill is not something that happens to us, it is a choice we make...

We need to decide that we will not go to war, whatever reason is conjured...

We need to decide that we will not go to war, whatever reason is conjured...

If in other lands the press and books and literature of all kinds are censored,...

If in other lands the press and books and literature of all kinds are censored,...