Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Birthday Quotes

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I ran around with the other youngsters, hunting, fishing and raising tadpoles and all the...

I ran around with the other youngsters, hunting, fishing and raising tadpoles and all the...

Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return...

Fishing is much more than fish. It is the great occasion when we may return...

Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.

Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.