Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Birthday Quotes

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example...

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example...

I love luxury. And luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence...

I love luxury. And luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence...

Mechanical difficulties with language are the outcome of internal difficulties with thought

Mechanical difficulties with language are the outcome of internal difficulties with thought