A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now…

Quote by Jake Johansen

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography....

Every city has a sex and an age which have nothing to do with demography....

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of...

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of...

I think I swallowed a bug!

I think I swallowed a bug!

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

There is so much more than that little space from 14 to 40. And if...

There is so much more than that little space from 14 to 40. And if...

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.

You can always tell a real friend: When you make a fool of yourself, he...

You can always tell a real friend: When you make a fool of yourself, he...

In the age in which we live, the impossible is every day losing ground.

In the age in which we live, the impossible is every day losing ground.

Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins...

Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins...

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put...

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.

I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.

Memory tempers prosperity, mitigates adversity, controls youth, and delights old age.

Memory tempers prosperity, mitigates adversity, controls youth, and delights old age.

We'll never ever be as good on record as we are live because we're not...

We'll never ever be as good on record as we are live because we're not...

People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it's served...

People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it's served...