A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now…

Quote by Jake Johansen

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

Theres one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your...

Theres one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the...

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the...

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to...

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to...

I think I don't regret a single 'excess' of my responsive youth-I only regret, in...

I think I don't regret a single 'excess' of my responsive youth-I only regret, in...

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

The passions grafted on wounded pride are the most inveterate; they are green and vigorous...

The passions grafted on wounded pride are the most inveterate; they are green and vigorous...

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.

People are more easily led than driven.

People are more easily led than driven.

To have common glories in the past, a common will in the present; to have...

To have common glories in the past, a common will in the present; to have...