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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

Anytime a woman competes with another woman she demeans herself.

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Anytime a woman competes with another woman she demeans herself.

My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even...

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My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even...

The worst thing about being lied to is realizing the person telling the lie doesn't...

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The worst thing about being lied to is realizing the person telling the lie doesn't...

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body...

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Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body...

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once...

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Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once...

Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak

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Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak

I dress the way I want. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not

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I dress the way I want. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

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Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind

Don't be ashamed of the way you look. You have exactly what somebody else wants.

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Don't be ashamed of the way you look. You have exactly what somebody else wants.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...