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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

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If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping...

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My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping...

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

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I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

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When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

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Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

All I want for Christmas is Money.

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All I want for Christmas is Money.

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

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She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

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Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

What I think when someone uses the computer What the hell are you doing Why...

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What I think when someone uses the computer What the hell are you doing Why...