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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

I was as born when he kissed me. I died when he left me. I...

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I was as born when he kissed me. I died when he left me. I...

The worst way to leave someone is without an explanation

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The worst way to leave someone is without an explanation

One of the stupidest mistake in life is thinking that the person who hurt you...

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One of the stupidest mistake in life is thinking that the person who hurt you...

Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

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Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

If he could be just mine alone without her presence always near would I ever...

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If he could be just mine alone without her presence always near would I ever...

A hug is like a bandage to a hurting wound.

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A hug is like a bandage to a hurting wound.

You can't lose what you never had you can't keep what's not yours and you...

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You can't lose what you never had you can't keep what's not yours and you...

Come on beautiful pick yourself up and dry your eyes everything will be okay

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Come on beautiful pick yourself up and dry your eyes everything will be okay

It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you still love them with every...

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It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you still love them with every...

I gave my best it wasn't enough You came and said we argue too much...

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I gave my best it wasn't enough You came and said we argue too much...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

When a man can listen to woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives...

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When a man can listen to woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives...