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There is a reason it's called "Girls gone wild" and NOT "Women gone wild". When...

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There is a reason it's called

If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you.

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If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you.

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

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The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

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I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

We go together like copy and paste

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We go together like copy and paste

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what...

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It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what...