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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

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Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

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There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores

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I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

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A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at...

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at...

When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

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When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

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The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

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We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

What exactly does expression mean "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

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What exactly does expression mean

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control...

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I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control...

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.