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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

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It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

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You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

Girls who love football are not weird. They're a rare gift from God. Those girls...

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Girls who love football are not weird. They're a rare gift from God. Those girls...

Life is one big road with lots of signs, So when you riding through the...

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Life is one big road with lots of signs, So when you riding through the...

She's jealous because she's afraid you'll find someone prettier, smarter, taller, skinnier, nicer, calmer, stronger...

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She's jealous because she's afraid you'll find someone prettier, smarter, taller, skinnier, nicer, calmer, stronger...

Trust the one who can see Sorrow behind your smile Love behind your anger Reason...

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Trust the one who can see Sorrow behind your smile Love behind your anger Reason...

One theory about romance novels said that women are so stupid that they can't tell...

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One theory about romance novels said that women are so stupid that they can't tell...

If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day

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If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day