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When I was little "I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever

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When I was little

The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

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The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

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I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

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When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

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When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

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No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

Love me, and I will move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me, and I'll...

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Love me, and I will move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me, and I'll...

I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

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I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

Jealousy a sign of insecurity, a sign of weakness, a sign of obsession.

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Jealousy a sign of insecurity, a sign of weakness, a sign of obsession.

In jealousy there is more self-love than love

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In jealousy there is more self-love than love

A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

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A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

Silence and smile are two powerful tools. Smile is the way to solve many problems...

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Silence and smile are two powerful tools. Smile is the way to solve many problems...

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

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The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day

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If you can make it through the night, there's a brighter day