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My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping...

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My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping...

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

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She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

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We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girl's...

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Sex is a sensation caused by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girl's...

If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

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If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told...

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

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A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

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When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

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Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

Kiss me and you will see stars. Love me and I'll give them to you

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Kiss me and you will see stars. Love me and I'll give them to you

Being in a relationships isn't about the kissing or the dates or the going out....

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Being in a relationships isn't about the kissing or the dates or the going out....

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

Talk to a woman as if you loved her and to a man as if...

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Talk to a woman as if you loved her and to a man as if...