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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

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Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and...

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This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

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Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

Find what you love and let it kill you.

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Find what you love and let it kill you.

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

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There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

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All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

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Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

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A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

We are living on this planet as if we had another one to go.

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We are living on this planet as if we had another one to go.

It’s true that sometimes love needs a little space. A smothering love isn’t good for...

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It’s true that sometimes love needs a little space. A smothering love isn’t good for...