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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

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All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

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I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

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Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

Lead me not into temptation.. oh hell who am I kidding.. Follow me I know...

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Lead me not into temptation.. oh hell who am I kidding.. Follow me I know...

I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

A black cat crossing your path signifies..

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A black cat crossing your path signifies..

Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

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Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

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Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

Love me, and I will move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me, and I'll...

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Love me, and I will move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me, and I'll...

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

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We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

We are living on this planet as if we had another one to go.

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We are living on this planet as if we had another one to go.

It’s true that sometimes love needs a little space. A smothering love isn’t good for...

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It’s true that sometimes love needs a little space. A smothering love isn’t good for...