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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

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Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

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Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

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I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

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You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

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Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to...

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How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to...

The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

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The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

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Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

It's amazing how one person can make your day absolutely perfect

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It's amazing how one person can make your day absolutely perfect

Because the night belongs to lovers Because the night belongs to us

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Because the night belongs to lovers Because the night belongs to us