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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

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He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

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New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

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I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

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If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

When I was little "I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever

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When I was little

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: Send me your mother!

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Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: Send me your mother!

Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

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Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

It's nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when...

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It's nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when...

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous...

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I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous...