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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

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Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

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Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

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Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

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As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...

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Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

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My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

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Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

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Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

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If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

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A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming...

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“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming...

First love, what adults called puppy love and what we thought was true love

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First love, what adults called puppy love and what we thought was true love