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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

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Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

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Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

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Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to...

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How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman is going to...

Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

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Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

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If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

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The PERFECT boyfriend doesn't DRINK, doesn't SMOKE, doesn't CHEAT and doesn't EXIST

Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

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Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

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Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

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If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

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A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest think I know

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Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest think I know

It's amazing how one person can make your day absolutely perfect

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It's amazing how one person can make your day absolutely perfect