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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

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Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girl's...

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Sex is a sensation caused by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girl's...

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

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Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

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Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

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I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

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He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

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If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

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If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough...

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No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough...

Rules for Happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.

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Rules for Happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.

Love is a verb. Love is doing, saying, showing. Never think just saying you love...

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Love is a verb. Love is doing, saying, showing. Never think just saying you love...