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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

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Cigarettes are better than girls - both of them burn your heart, at least the...

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

Ability is : When you can make three generations of people laugh their socks off...

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Ability is : When you can make three generations of people laugh their socks off...

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

On the 12th of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11...

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On the 12th of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11...

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

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A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

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A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her...

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

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Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

Is that Vicondin? Breath mint. Thought you were going to kiss me

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Is that Vicondin? Breath mint. Thought you were going to kiss me

Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

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Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

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If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

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The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

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If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food.

No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough...

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No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough...

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when were happy.

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There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when were happy.

I pretended to be deaf when I heard you. I pretended to be blind when...

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I pretended to be deaf when I heard you. I pretended to be blind when...