There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Jon Stewart Quotes

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and...

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's...

Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's...

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we...

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted...

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...