Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Humor Quotes

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people....

There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people....

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy....

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy....

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about...

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about...

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or,...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...