Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.

Quote by Steve Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Hollywood Quotes

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church...

I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church...

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease...

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease...

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing...

I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing...

When you become senile, you won't know it.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

The most minor gifts and not a very high class way to earn a living....

The most minor gifts and not a very high class way to earn a living....

As a male writer, women are always what men pursue, and their world is always...

As a male writer, women are always what men pursue, and their world is always...