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All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only...

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only...

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease...

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease...

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when...

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all...

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all...

Why haven't women got labels on their foreheads saying, Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can...

Why haven't women got labels on their foreheads saying, Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can...

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't...

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't...

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to...

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to...

Fond pride of dress is sure a very curse

Fond pride of dress is sure a very curse